Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Dead Space 3 is bad and its fans should feel bad

What? You want to know what I think about the Metal Gear Rising demo? It's sexy good! I placed a pre-order weeks ago and will probably give it a proper review. Dead Space 3, however, is that kind of AAA game that I am too much of an alien cat-thing to like. One thing I've learned over the years about earth folk is that they love negativity and only creepy people like Mr. Rogers actually like things.

So . . . yeah . . . Dead Space . . . My only experience with the franchise is playing the demo of the first game. I didn't even bother to finish it I was left thinking “what is this Resident Evil 4 ripoff and why should I care.” Dead Space 2 came and went without me even noticing. This time I'm getting EA's AAA thing my full and undivided attention (for the parts that I can play without spending money.)

Sometimes I think Electronic Arts is deliberately trying to make most boring and annoying games possible. There certainly the only company in the industry to ask you to agree to a terms of service and sign in with an origin account just to play a demo. (I played this on my PS3) Fortunately I was able to remember my Origin account's password so I could torture myself with a bad Resident Evil 4 clone.

Somewhere along the line densities protagonist Isaac became dissatisfied with being a space suit and decided to grow a face go figure. Unfortunately for him, he looks at every hero I see one of these Western AAA games. If you could legally change his name to John Smith the lofty title of “the most boring man in the universe” could be his. It's sad to see such (un)potential go to waste.

You're probably thinking “but Dillinger is a videogame! The event is to shoot monsters and have fun violence and stuffs!” First, my hypothetical straw man is a retard with shallow and narrow taste. Second, Dead Space 3 is no where near scary but tries desperately to be so. While the game has tanklike controls you move fairly quickly. It's easy to survey your surroundings and the game is so linear but there's no need to look around anyway. Enemies always come from in front of you and you fight them in well lit areas. Clearly structured like an action game. But when you fight the “spooky” monsters pretend horror movie music plays. The game also semi-frequently engages in bad jump scares that even a Hollywood movie wouldn't do. Also, because all weapons use the same ammo you're doing no incentive to use anything they didn't start with. Why bother using the new gun when you can use the same resources to upgrade the old one? The two guns I had in the demo were more than enough to dispatch monsters I completely forgotten about.

Playing this mere demo has reaffirmed why I hate mainstream gaming. This game has nothing to offer but flashing shiny keys in the player's face.  

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