So I played the DMC demo. . .

 . . . And it's a mediocre game that surprised me with how well it copys the combat of a proper Devil May Cry game. That is the nicest thing I can say about DMC. Since this was a beloved Japanese franchise being shipped off to Westerners with a dubious reputation to give the brand more “global appeal” I had low expectations. I played the demo mentally prepared to see all the life drained out of something I liked. Unfortunately, I was not pleasantly surprised by what developer Ninja Theory has to offer.



DMC has what might be the most boring, easy and safe villain I've seen a video game since World of Warcraft's Deathwing. He is a creature of Internet myth that I like to call Mr. Burns-a-saurus. Is the demo's story synopsis explains, he is responsible for everything they love to bitch about on r/politics. Fox news, student loans, those stupid energy drinks. All the bidding of a grumpy old rich guy who's literally the devil himself (and spying on you all the time because apparently has security cameras everywhere.) This is the first thing I bring up because it's the best example of how hollow the new Devil May Cry is compared to the old one.

I could complain that Dante now looks like some creepy stoner who sleeps under a bridge somewhere, but something more fundamental about the character is lost. Dante used to be a fun-loving rock star mercenary with a job that took him out on all kinds of awesome adventures in ass kicking. he's the kind of action hero every man, at least once in his life, wished he could be. However the new Dante is a power fantasy that can only appeal to b-torts. This Dante is too cool to have fun. He's on a crusade, a mission, man! He's a soldier in a war against the men and his and his captain is a creepy dude in a mask who produces awful YouTube blogs. Now that's Way past cool!

I'm even feel like writing about how boring that scripted segment where you're running through parts of the city that crumbling in on you; or how stupid all the other story changes Ninja Theory decided to make; or certain bad decisions they made about the controls. I just want to drink until I forget this game ever happened, like Sonic 06 or my ex.