Wednesday, September 8, 2010

I hate writing titles

If there's one thing I learned from Left 4 Dead's Francis it's that it's okay to hate things, and that's okay to tell people about it. Everyone around you might not want to hear it but there's nothing they can do. So this week instead of writing something smart I'm just going to share everything video games have taught me to despise.

I hate dogs. Every time a game has a dog enemy is almost guaranteed to be a pain in the ass. They're fast and usually do little to much damage for their speed making them frustrating hit. Call of Duty has some particularly evil attack dogs that can almost guarantee instant death is soon as they pounce on you. Man's best friend my ass.
I hate bats. They're small and fly around quickly and dark areas granting them more free shots than they deserve. Yes, it's because I'm invading their home but they're still assholes.

 I hate landmines. No one in video games ever thinks of burying their landmines and yet I still step on them every time.

I hate hand grenades. If call of duty is to be believed modern wars are won and lost based on who can throw more grenades. Greenspan is easy and unlike playing the game with strategy all you need to do for free kills its throw your three metal turds In their general direction. If your enemy is spamming grenades your began before the game says “watch out for grenades!”.

I hate spam. Do I need it to explain this? Is there any game that doesn't have spam?

I hate princesses. Processes will always find a way to cause trouble. You tell them to stay the castle and they will escape the castle and get into trouble. You keep her in your castle and she still gets kidnapped. You could probably lock her up in your closet and she would still get kidnapped that is because princesses don't have to do anything they just attract kidnappers.
I hate dragons. More specifically the dragons found in Demon's Souls, all they need to do is sneeze on you and you die.

I hate kids. I can't stand hearing your squealing high-pitched voices and I get errors to disconnect from any server that's too many of them (or one very vocal child). I don't even want to explain this search Google or YouTube for kids on Xbox live or something similar because I really don't want to talk about it, or think about it.

I hate the alliance. For the Horde!

I hate Francis. Is there anything that man doesn't hate?

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